sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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