He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
