Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
