Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
