thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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