Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
