so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
