i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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