Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
