I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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