Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
