I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
