dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
