eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
