if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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