Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
