Can Purell be used as lube?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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