you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
