Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
