I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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