remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize