Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
