my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
