Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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