i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
