Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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