I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
