At least make sure they are 18
Why
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
