Where did you get a picture of my penis
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
