You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
