Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
