Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
