Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I touched a dick in church today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
