my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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