just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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