Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
