you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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