i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
