FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
