I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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