My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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