his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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