I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize