I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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