What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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