hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
