I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
