# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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