Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
one might say we're banned from that church
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this boner is exhausting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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