Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
