3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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