Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
