Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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