finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
