can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
