Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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