I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
