I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
