did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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