nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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