You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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