if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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