you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
