i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
