Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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