I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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