i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
