He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
