dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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