Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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