Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
