He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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