I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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