you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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