see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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