Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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