Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize