i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
