She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
