help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
