the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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