his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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