Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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