peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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