I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize