She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
