I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
