i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
