once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
