I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
