he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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