If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize