is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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