They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize