When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
