I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
