dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
