New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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