god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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