So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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