I will die if light touches me.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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