Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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