we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
