i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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