Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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