I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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