she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
wow bdsm is so cute
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
